#thank god or whoever the fuck that autocorrect exists

[aaaahrugula]

My tiny little college brain needs some rest that will not be gotten for fucking weeks...

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.82

Keith was shaking. Staring at Lance’s empty room, he couldn’t stop shaking. Lance was supposed to be in his or visiting Garrison, not gone from VOLTRON without a word of goodbye. The hunter felt as if his heart had been physically crushed as it raced. His boyfriend hadn’t told him he was leaving. He’d packed up and left him behind. He’d disappeared. Sure, they’d been a bit shaky the past few days, but they’d made up. They’d cuddled on the sofa until cuddling wasn’t enough. They’d kissed... Lance... Lance hadn’t said... Was this because of him? Because he wanted to celebrate Lance’s birthday? He wanted to do something nice for his boyfriend. Show him that he was happy Lance existed. And now he was gone. Nothing remained in his room. Not Lance’s clothes. Not his computer or laptop. Not Blue’s litter tray. Nothing at all.

Feeling Coran’s hand on his shoulder, Keith’s watery purple eyes looked his way

“I’m sorry my, boy. I may have been too hard on him this morning. He seemed to have something he wished to discuss with Allura, and I’m afraid he caught me talking with Kolivan and Krolia. He must have left soon after...”

Coran sounded upset. Keith still couldn’t imagine Coran being short with Lance. Whatever had happened, Lance must be really upset to have disappeared on them

“... Number Two, are you okay? I’m most certain Lance wouldn’t have left because of you”

That wasn’t the right thing to say. Keith feeling anger flicker and die out in an instant as coldness set in. He felt cold. Like their was no air in the room. Lance was always going to return home to Garrison... but now he had, it almost felt like he’d been dumped and left behind

“Then why did he leave without saying anything?!”

“I don’t know. If he’s returned to Garrison, perhaps young Matt will know?”

But that didn’t tell him why. They’d made up. He thought they were okay. Maybe Lance not coming home with him meant they weren’t and he was too stupid to get it?

“He... he does this. He walks away when he can’t cope... What did you say to him?”

Lance... Lance wouldn’t leave him. He’d said he loved him

“I... merely... asked him what he was doing and asked that he avoid the main floor due to Lotor visiting... Perhaps he took to that mean... oh, dear. Let’s return to my office and I’ll call Matt, ask him to let Lance know that there was no need to leave as he did”

“Don’t bother. I’ll go see him”

He wouldn’t let Lance decide they were over without telling him why

“I don’t know if the Blades would be comfortable with you leaving”

“Coran, I honestly don’t care. They don’t want us. They don’t want me. They don’t even care about Lance. You heard Kolivan. He basically said if Lance didn’t help that there’d be consequences. Them coming here has reminded me of everything that’s wrong with the Blades. I’m going to go see him. Whether he wants to come back is up to him”

“Maybe I should come with you? Explain the situation?”

Or maybe Coran could stay here. Something made Lance leave and until Keith was sure Coran wasn’t the reason, he wasn’t letting him see his boyfriend. Wiping at his teary eyes, his voice was as cold as he physically felt

“I think you’ve done more than enough”

*

Keith wouldn’t admit he’d nearly gotten himself cleaned up by a truck as he drove to Garrison. His mind on Lance and his well-being, not this shit with Lotor and Coran. He didn’t know for sure Lance would be home, not until he saw the blue bronco parked in front of Lance’s house, still loaded with his boyfriend’s things. Parking his bike up near the front steps, Keith was off the bike and tugging at his helmet within seconds of cutting the engine, too driven to be nervous over Lance potentially dumping him. Running up the front steps, he let himself in. Lance’s house feeling oddly cooler than he remembered. Like Lance not being there had taken the life out of the old manor home

“Lance?!”

Jogging into the living room, he found Pidge sitting on the sofa looking upset. Matt and Rieva sat either side of her, while Hunk sat on the coffee table, Pidge’s hands in his. Keith stumbling slightly because Lance wasn’t there and they all looked thoroughly upset

“Where’s Lance?”

Hunk turned his head towards him, letting go of Pidge’s hands as he did. The man seemed pretty shocked to see him. Did Lance already tell them it was over? Was that why they were upset?

“Out the back... He’s... uh... buried himself... He... didn’t mention you’d be coming, man”

Keith left the rest of the gang there, jogging through the house and out to the backyard. Lance was in the process of sitting up in his shallow grave

“What the fuck?! Why the fuck did you leave like that?! Do you know what it did to me to find you fucking gone! If you wanted to break up, you could have told me to my fucking face!”

Yelling at Lance, Keith threw his helmet at him for good measure. Failing to catch his helmet, it hit Lance in the side of the head with a solid thud

“Mother-ducker! What the hell?! What the fuck, Keith? I thought you were in Platt!? What are you talking about? Didn’t you get my message?!”

Keith crossed his arms, staring down at Lance as Lance tossed his helmet out of his grave and rubbed the side of his head. Only Lance would swear like he’d been autocorrected

“I didn’t get any message! You left!”

Lance wasn’t getting away with it that easily

“I messaged you! Don’t you check your phone?! I made sure to explain that I wasn’t leaving because of you and that I was leaving because I was in the way with my pheromones!”

“Kosmo ate my charger!”

Both their heads jerked back as realisation hit them. Keith moving to pinch the top of his nose in a very Shiro way. Lance covering his face with his dirty hands. Both of them groaning, before Lance took a deep breath then slowly released it

“Babe. I messaged you this morning around about 7am”

“I left my phone in my jeans. I went to charge it and found Kosmo had eaten half the cord”

“And you thought I’d left.... God. No, babe... fuck. Wait there”

Lance climbed out his grave soil, brushing himself off before raising his right hand to rest on the spot where Keith’s helmet had hit him. With a wobbly smile, his boyfriend held his left arm out. Feeling really fucking stupid, Keith shuffled over and into Lance’s embrace

“You disappeared”

Tears formed too quickly. Keith sniffling as he rested his head on Lance’s shoulder

“I know. I know how much it scares you, that’s why I messaged you to explain everything”

“I thought you’d left me behind”

“Not permanently. Never permanently. I felt like I overstated my welcome and was just in the way at VOLTRON”

“Coran said he was short with you”

“He kind of was. But I’m not exactly making things easy by being there. Babe, I’m so sorry. I absolutely promise you that I didn’t just leave”

“You could have called”

“Your phone was dead. That’s why you came all the way out here”

Lance’s hand moved from his head to Keith’s back. His boyfriend rubbing it softly as he sighed. Lance knew how much it’d shaken him to find him gone

“I overreacted”

“A little bit. I would never dump you by disappearing. I want to be there for you, not scare you”

“I felt like I couldn’t breathe. What were you even doing buried?”

“Because our dumb friends want to keep investigating and Pidge made a joke about how her death didn’t after because she could always come back as a vampire. First they tell me they’re farting on the investigation, then she says that. I lost my cool and came out here to wallow”

Thank god. Thank fuck. Thank whoever. Lance was okay. He was okay and he didn’t want to break up. God. Keith felt so foolish. He didn’t want to feel foolish. He didn’t want to talk about the mess in his head at the thought Lance being gone from his life

“You haven’t wallowed in a while”

“Nope. Today was just a particularly crappy day”

“My day was shit too”

“What happened?”

“Lotor made the Blades out Shiro and I on the investigation team. He doesn’t want to help us. He won’t until he meets you and sees your ego. And the I found you gone completely and I couldn’t... I couldn’t even breathe. I thought you’d never... I’d never...”

Lance nuzzled into his hair, his boyfriend smelt of damp dirt

“Okay. Okay... You had a scare. Do you want to go somewhere and talk?”

Keith nodded. Matt and Rieva would be laughing at how stupid he was

“Yeah. We need to talk. And you’ve got dirt in your hair”

“Let me take a quick shower, then we’ll get out of here”

*

Keith didn’t know why the only place he knew how to get to in Garrison, other than Lance’s house, was the graveyard. Parking his bike off the road and under the shade of the trees, he and Lance both climbed off his bike. Since Lance didn’t own a helmet, Keith insisted his boyfriend wear his, taking things much slower than he usually would. Pulling off the helmet, Lance set it on the bike, eyeing their surrounds with a look Keith couldn’t put his finger on.

“Babe, I’ve got to tell you, every time we come here I get nervous you’re going to bury me”

Keith shrugged, feeling self conscious. Lance should know better by now

“I don’t know my way around Garrison”

“I know... here, there’s a bench in the cemetery we can sit there and talk”

“You won’t get too much sun?”

“Nah. Plus, I’ve got my big bad bikie boyfriend to protect me”

Keith groaned, how could he not

“I’m not a bikie”

“So you admit you’re big and bad. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get into my pants”

Keith blushed hard. He’d trailed into the bathroom after Lance, sitting on the counter as his boyfriend cleaned up

“Shut up”

Laughing lightly, Lance took him by the hand.

Leading him to the bench, the wood looked hardly sturdy enough to support their combined weight. In the distance a cow let out a lazy moo. Birds were chirping. Life went on around them, yet whenever he was alone with Lance it felt like they were the last people in existence. Alone together in the world. Sitting down, Lance patted the spot next to him, Keith sitting down carefully with a cringe

“Relax. They really knew how to build a bench that lasts back in the day. Now. I’m sorry I left without waiting to say goodbye in person”

“You scared the shit out of me”

“I know. It’s just... I’ve been thinking about coming back for a while now and my presence seemed like it was going to cause more trouble if I stayed at VOLTRON”

“You could have come home with me...”

Lance sighed softly, his hand taking Keith’s. Keith’s stomach dropping at the sound of his boyfriend’s sigh

“You know I can’t. You and Shiro, you need that to be your safe space”

“Are you saying I’m not safe with you?”

“No. No, babe. I would never hurt you. No. I mean... I’m not a hunter. I’m a vampire. My scent clings to you and all it would take is one wolf to scent me and know you’re not what you seem to be. You’re safety is my priority. Then there’s Shiro to think about too. He’s okay with us now, but he’s still working through his trauma over losing Adam. I’m not trying to sound like I’m blaming or belittling him, but that’s his home too. Look... I’m not saying this very well. I would love that in the future. To be there every single day when you come home. To help you. To support you. But I need to work on me and finding my feet again. I need to learn how to balance things and when I with you, I don’t ever want to leave. I love spending time with you. You’re like... like the future. A vampire hunter who really understands there’s more to things than how they appear. At the moment, stopping Honerva needs to be the priority. And I just don’t know what to do with myself”

Lance sounded so sad. So sad that Keith’s heart hurt

“I’m sorry... I thought...”

“You thought I was happy? I was. I really was. You make me so stupidly happy I can’t believe it half the time. But I don’t work for Coran. I became a lawyer to help children, and I don’t think I can use that skill set to help at the moment. My life was... I thought I was fine and now I know what falling in love feels like, I want to work on myself without lies or secrets. I don’t want to be a burden”

“You’re not a burden”

“I feel like it. Like I’m holding everyone back. My pheromones are still all over the place. They were supposed to settle, but they obviously haven’t if Coran thinks I need to avoid the main floor of VOLTRON”

Stupid Coran. Couldn’t he have explained it to Lance without making him feel like shit and stuff

“Coran had no right...”

“He’s just trying to look out for everyone. My scent affects people. You know that for yourself. If I accidentally sent a vampire or werewolf mad and something horrible happened I couldn’t live with that. So much has happened in the last few months that... It really makes me feel small and insignificant. Confused and useless. Like... I knew what I was doing before, but now I’m in deep water and barely know how to keep afloat. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I could have made it this far. My heats leave me a mess. My body’s still changing. But you... you make me feel alive. It’s me who doesn’t know what he’s doing”

Lance’s overthinking had gotten the best of him. He’d left because the man he saw as family had made him feel like a burden

“Babe...”

Lance leaned his head against his shoulder, softly mumbling

“I don’t want to break up”

“I don’t want to break up either. I know you’re not a hunter. You said Pidge was working a case?”

“Rieva still sees Lotor as a threat. She... she wants to help but she’s also too curious”

“Then what do we do?”

Keith felt lost. The idea of Pidge and Hunk being harmed was scary. They were out of their depths

“I don’t know. They’re not going to leave it. I don’t know how to conduct a hunt like you and Shiro. This isn’t a ghost hunt. There’s real evil waiting at the end of this hunt”

“Do... do you want me to say something?”

“To who? Pidge and Hunk are still learning about this world. Coran will worry. Kolivan will probably arrest them again. I got so mad at them. I was mean to Pidge”

Now he got why Lance felt so lost. Instincts told him to yell at the others for being so stupid

“You feel like you have to be here, don’t you?”

“It’s what I’ve always done”

“Where does that leave us?”

“That’s what I’m working out. Is it wrong to want to want work on myself?”

They’d had that conversation more than once. There were half a dozen small ways Keith found himself working on himself without thinking about it

“No. We’ve talked about this. You’re not a hunter... but you know, you really did do a good job when you tried to help us figure out what Antok had done. Lotor wants to meet with you. He told Kolivan he’d only cooperate if Shiro and I were brought in on it and if he got to meet you”

“Oh goody. Prince Turd himself wants to meet me?”

“You’re not shocked?”

Lance raised his head, meeting Keith’s eyes

“If it helps, I’ll do it”

“I don’t think you should”

“Lotor’s holding all the cards right now. Let me guess. He was all like “I won’t help unless you do what I want? I’m a vampire and I’m a douche canoe””

Keith snorted

“You sounded just like him. His conditions were he does nothing until you meet”

“And when is this meeting meant to take place?”

“Kolivan would say as soon as possible”

Lance dropped his head, before rubbing his cheek against Keith’s arm

“Kolivan really doesn’t like me. He wanted to know why I was still in Platt. That reminds me. They were talking about Sendak and a shipping yard. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but it felt important”

“Kolivan’s thinking of apprehending Sendak. He wanted to arrange a meeting. Lotor shot that down. He says he doesn’t want anything to do with his family”

“That might be true... From what Rieva said, I’d run away too”

Keith jerked slightly, confusing on coming out as anger

“You think we should believe him?!”

Lance pulled away, frowning heavily

“What? No. Personally I think Rieva’s biological parents were killed by someone related to Honerva, and that’s why she can’t talk about it”

Rieva had talked... but she’d definitely held stuff back

“If that’s true, then why hasn’t she told the Blades? Or Coran?”

“Probably for the same reasons I can’t talk about being turned. I snapped about it earlier. Tell Kolivan I’ll meet with Lotor, but I need a bit of time first. Just, like, a few days. Maybe like on the weekend? Kolivan can come up with questions or whatever he wants me to try to ask?”

“Lotor doesn’t like questions. Babe... I don’t think this is a good idea”

“Probably not. I was going to talk to Allura about what she thought about him”

Lance was going to go through with it. Keith had known before he asked, but it made him feel sick with the “what-ifs”

“You could go into heat”

“I could. But... I feel like I can do this”

Lance’s ego might have been ruffled. Lance sounded too confident at meeting Lotor. Lance knew Lotor was bad news. Maybe his ego thought it’d be a chance to show Lotor he wasn’t to be dismissed so easily. Keith didn’t like it one but

“You can’t... I won’t let you meet him alone. I don’t want you... I don’t know what he’s going to make of you. He’s part fae and he’s so arrogant that even I feel his ego coming off him. You have to think this through. We don’t need him. We can work it out”

“Babe, Allura is our friend and if she has her heart set on him, I want to see him myself. I know he’s using you and Shiro for his own means, and he’s probably going to fuck with us, but... yeah. I have to do it. Maybe I’ll understand Rieva better if I do?”

Lance loved his friends so much he was stupid. A big fat idiot crumpet. He wasn’t listening to him

“You really are stupid... What am I supposed to if you get hurt?”

Lance leaned back into him

“That’s why I won’t be alone. Coran will be there. You, and Shiro. I won’t meet him alone”

“You trust us to keep you safe from him?”

“Dah. And I trust you not to let my ego get too big. You keep me anchored, and shit”

His boyfriend kissing his arm

“This is a dumb idea”

“Probably, it’s about par for us though”

Keith sighed. They didn’t have a lot of choice

“I wish we weren’t this dumb”

Lance chuckled, squeezing his hand comfortingly. Neither of them in any particular rush to head back to their friends just yet

“So do I. Idiot boyfriends doing idiot things”

Kissing Lance’s hair, Keith buried his face in the soft locks. Lance hadn’t pressed on his abandonment issues, which Keith was grateful given how’d he reacted

“Yeah... two halves of the same idiot right here”

“Damn right...”

[plsdonttellmay]

|3!7(|-|

A look into the Iron Kids group chat between Harley, Peter, and Riri. 

Sequel to Bold of You

Translation for Harley’s nonsense at the bottom

Spider-Son: @Son Prime Mr. Stark totally just admitted that Riri was his favorite.

Son Prime: wut???? thts blsht >:((((

Spider-Son changed their name to Pun-Son

Pun-Son: IKR?

Dad’s Favorite: HA! I fucking told you

Son Prime: fuk off riri

Pun-Son: Ya, this is a private conversation.

Dad's Favorite: Y’all are the dumbasses having a “private conversation” in the group chat

Pun-Son: Shit

Really?

I thought @ing him would make it private.

Oops

Son Prime: pete i lov n rspct u but ur a fukn dumbass

Dad's Favorite: This is why dad loves me most

Pun-Son: ;’((((

Whatever.

Anyway

So,,,,

The rest of the team knows you guys exist now.

Son Prime: shiiiiiiiiiiiit

Dad's Favorite: What happened?

Is everyone okay?

Are you okay?

Is Tony okay?

Pun-Son: Ya, everyone's fine, dw.

Son Prime: thn wut hpnd????

Pun-Son: IDK???

Like

Mr. Stark just said I did a good job

And then fucking Captain America was like

“Hey, everybody it's Peter Parker!”

Dad's Favorite: Damn. So now they all know?

Son Prime: thats ruf buddy

Pun-Son: Nah, it's fine.

I panicked and then said that Mr. Stark had lots of kids

And that Peter and Spider-Man were totally different kids.

Son Prime: wow. cnt blev u managed 2 lie 2 captain america

i figd he cld smell lies

or that u would spontaneously combust if u tried

tht was specific 2 u btw

Dad's Favorite: Has anyone ever told you you're a dick?

Son Prime: not 2 my face but thts what i assume theyre saying wen they dub chek tht mr tony isnt my real dad.

Dad's Favorite: Not a bad assumption ngl

Pun-Son: Also, point of order, didn't lie

I just,,,,,,,

Implied.

Heavily.

To the point of lying.

But didn't cross that line.

Son Prime: wow pete ur a saint

Dad's Favorite: They bought it? Just like that?

Pun-Son: TBH they were way more interested in the group chat.

Like, they legit forgot they were trying to figure out who Spider-Man is.  

I told Cap your usernames.

Dad's Favorite: Well I'm glad the team knows the truth now

Son Prime: wut? abt mr tony runin a daycare?

Dad's Favorite: No about me being his favorite

Dad's Favorite: Hey guys??? College fucking blows. I'm gonna murder whoever came up with it

Son Prime: sup riri?

Dad's Favorite: Literally just told you. College blows

The Live-in: *break dances gently*

What's wrong, Riri?

Son Prime: atm u if i had 2 ges

Dad's Favorite: Mostly that you're trying to comfort me via meme.

SHIT

Beat me to it

Son Prime: :p

The Live-in: You guys are the worst.

Dad's Favorite: You're the one who decided to be the middle child

The Live-in: WTF, no, I didn't??

Also, Harley is literally less than 4 months older than me.

Son Prime: god pete ur practically an infant cmpared to me

The Live-in: -_______-

Can we go back to talking about Riri’s problems now?

Please?

For the love of science.

Dad's Favorite: Nah I'm good actually. Roasting you is way more interesting

The Live-in: THE W O R S T

Son Prime: srsly tho. u ok riri?

Dad's Favorite: Yeah I'm fine. Just got assigned a group project

The Live-in: Was it at least a class you have a friend in?

Dad's Favorite: Peter literally everyone in that class is 7+ years older than me. If I had friends do you think I'd talk to you two?

The Live-in: Yes

Because you love us.

You've said so.

Son Prime: hes got a point

Dad's Favorite: Lies and slander

The Live-in: Seriously, though.

Are you good?

Dad's Favorite: Yeah. It's not like they're actively mean to me or anything. It just sucks not having friends

Son Prime: tell us if they start bn dicks. pete n i will kick thr asses. we r still ur big bros

Dad's Favorite: Yeah I know <3

God I can’t wait until you two are finally here and I actually have someone to talk to for once.

The Live-in: Yeah!!!!

We should get an apartment.

And a dog.

A secret dog.

Dad’s Favorite: Why is the dog secret???

The Live-in: Because I can’t have a dog at my apartment.

And your mom is allergic to dogs.

And Harley’s little sister is scared of dogs.

So it would have to live with dad over the summer.

And he won’t let us get a dog if he knows ahead of time.

That’s why a secret dog.

Dad’s Favorite: Hell yes secret dog.

The Live-in: I vote pitbull.

Son Prime: sum1 convinse me not 2 murder ths lady

Peter PARKOUR: ?????????

???????

?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?

Harley, WTF you can't just say that and then not elaborate.

Dad's Favorite: Siding with Peter here. Who are you trying to murder Keener?

Peter PARKOUR: Dude.

Seriously??

Are you literally ignoring us right now?

HARLEY, YOU HAVE YOUR READ RECEIPTS ON!

Son Prime: Read: 3:23

Dad's Favorite: Harley I swear to god you're going in the nearest lake first time we meet

Peter PARKOUR: Wait.

Hold on a damn minute.

Are you telling me?

The two of you haven't actually met??

Like IRL???

Dad's Favorite: Yeah. I mean we Skype and text plenty but we've never been in the same room

Peter PARKOUR: That's wild??

I mean

I know the three of us haven't been together

But I figured you had met without me.

Son Prime: wait. wen did u 2 meet?

Dad's Favorite: Figures that's what gets his attention instead of murder

Peter PARKOUR: When I went to tour MIT?

Have you and Mr. Stark not gone yet?

Son Prime: nope

Peter PARKOUR: Why not??

Son Prime: i dunno. keep puttin it off

Dad's Favorite: I smell a lie. I don't know what it is but you better watch your back Harley. I will find out

Son Prime: ok baskin robin

Peter PARKOUR: Can we get back to the murder?

I feel like we glossed over that.

Son Prime: no

Dad's Favorite: No point. Either they decided to leave Harley alone

Peter PARKOUR: Or??

Dad's Favorite: Or they're dead

Son Prime: & ull nvr kno

Peter PARKOUR: You two need to chill.

And meet.

Seriously, we've been talking for a year

And you two haven't even laid eyes on each other.

H O W?

Dad's Favorite: Let's start with the fact that we live like 20 hours away from each other?

Peter PARKOUR: I'm not even going to grace that with an answer.

Actually

I am

Mr. Stark has like a fleet of planes??

You could literally make a day trip out of it.

Son Prime: hes actually got a point…

Peter PARKOUR: I almost always have a point.

You two just ignore me.

Because you're assholes.

Dad's Favorite: That's fair

Dad's Favorite: @Son Prime 

I saw this and thought of you

Peter In The Middle: WHAT

THE

FUCK

IS THAT THING EVEN REAL??

Dad's Favorite: Lol yeah. Saw it at the thrift store

Son Prime: What I want to know is why the FUCK it reminded you of me.

Peter In The Middle: Oh damn.

He broke out the capitals and full words.

He's serious.

Son Prime: Actually it's just a new phone Mr. Tony sent me. Can't figure out how to turn off the damn autocorrect

Dad's Favorite: Why is it that you 2 are geniuses but can't figure out how phones work half the time?

Son Prime: Excuse you this is 1 of those prototype StarkPhones that literally nobody knows how to use yet.

Peter in the Middle: Are you really never gonna let the group chat thing die?

Dad's Favorite: No

Son Prime: Absolutely not.

Peter in the Middle: It was one (1) time you assholes.

Son Prime: I feel like we’re forgetting about the horror show that somehow reminded Riri of me.

Peter in the Middle: I was.

Trying to, at least.

Thanks for the reminder.

Dad’s Favorite: I’m not forgetting. Ever

Son Prime: Explain???

Dad’s Favorite: Should I tho?

Peter in the Middle: Depends.

Do you want me to show Mr. Stark The Video?

Dad’s Favorite: You wouldn’t

Peter in the Middle: Try me, bitch.

Son Prime: Video????

Dad’s Favorite: Don’t worry about it

Peter in the Middle: I’ll send it to you later.

Dad’s Favorite: I hate you

Peter in the Middle: :D

Cow mug.

Now.

Dad’s Favorite: It says Tennessee on it.

Peter in the Middle: Wait.

That’s it?

No inside joke????

Dad’s Favorite: Nope

Peter in the Middle: What the fuck?

Now I feel dumb.

Dad’s Favorite: :))))))

Son Prime: |-|4 ! |=!6(_)|23|) !7 0(_)7

Dad's Favorite: What the fuck does that even say??

Peter in the Middle: Is that???

Even approaching English??

Son Prime: |\|0 !7$ |_337

Dad's Favorite: Stop

Son Prime: |\/|4|{3 |\/|3

Dad's Favorite has kicked Son Prime out of the Iron Kids group

Peter in the Middle: Harley is texting me

Saying to tell you to unblock him.

He has something important to say.

Dad's Favorite has added Son Prime to the Iron Kids group

Son Prime:

|3!7(|-|

Dad's Favorite has kicked Son Prime out of the Iron Kids group

Peter in the Middle: Fair and valid.

Dad's Favorite has kicked Peter in the Middle out of the Iron Kids group

Dad's Favorite: Finally I am free

Son Prime: guess who got his xseptns letter!!!!!!!!

Dad’s Favorite: Holy shit!!!! Harley that’s fucking amazing!!!!!!

Potor Purkur: Yessssssss!!!!

Dude, that’s amazing!!!!!!!!!!

Also????

How did you get yours early???

MIT letters aren’t supposed to go out for another week??

Did Mr. Stark pull strings?

BUT ALSO CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Son Prime: na tony dnt do nythng

Potor Purkur: ???????????

Son Prime: xseptns snt 4 mit

Dad’s Favorite: Was it a backup or something?

Son Prime: or smthn

Dad’s Favorite: I swear this is worse than pulling teeth. Spill.

Son Prime: i nvr actuly applied 4 mit

Dad’s Favorite: So that’s the real reason you never came to visit. You weren’t just putting it off.

Potor Purkur: Did you ever even plan on going to MIT?

Son Prime: hell no. ive had ths place n mind since middle school

Potor Purkur: Well?

What is it?

Come on, dude.

Son Prime: u hv 2 prms not 2 tell mr tony

Dad’s Favorite: Sure.

Son Prime: com on @Potor Purkur u gotta prms

Potor Purkur: I promise.

Well, I promise to try.

I’m kind bad at secrets, actually.

But so long as he doesn’t ask

I’m fine.

I promise.

Son Prime: how do u evn hv a scret id @ ths point

Potor Purkur: Honestly??

No idea.

All of Queens should know by now TBH

But

That has literally nothing to do with your college.

Dad’s Favorite: Yeah cmon Harls. Spill.

Son Prime: I’m totally serious right now. Don’t tell Mr. Tony. I want  to tell him myself.

Potor Purkur: Promise.

Dad’s Favorite: On my life.

Son Prime: ok hr it goz.

im goin to caltech

guys?

its bn lik 5 min. wts up

Potor Purkur: Holy sHIT

Are you serious??

Dad’s Favorite: You men caltech as in the school in Pasadena California? MIT’s biggest rival since ever? The school Tony loudly talks about how much he hates? THAT caltech?

Son Prime: …

…

…

yes

Potor Purkur: Holy shit.

*_*_*_*_*

Spider-Son: Hey, guys?

I think dad might have accidentally,,,,,,,,

Built a murder bot.

Again.

Dad's Favorite: W H A T

Son Prime: u ok? r u fiting it???

Spider-Son: No.

No, you see,,,,

The murder bot,,,,,,,

Is actually,,,,,,,,,,,

Karen.

Dad's Favorite: …

Son Prime: ..............

Dad's Favorite: Explain

Spider-Son: Well.

You know how my suit has an Instant Kill Mode?

And Karen keeps trying to make me use it?

Dad's Favorite: Yeah??

Son Prime: i dnt thnk tht counts as “accidentally"

jst irresponsible

Spider-Son: That's what I thought too.

But we're in the jet.

Headed for the mission.

And I joke that I should use IKM.

And Mr. Stark freaks out.

Dad's Favorite: Why???

Spider-Son: Here's the thing.

Mr. Stark.

Didn't make an Instant Kill Mode.

Karen did that.

By herself.

Dad's Favorite: Holy shit

Son Prime: dude wut the FUCK

Spider-Son: I K N O W

Son Prime: uve befriended her at least. hopfully she remains loyal during the robo revolution.

Spider-Son: Karen says hi BTW.

Dad's Favorite: Fantastic. Maybe she'll spare us as well

Spider-Son: Karen says, and I quote, “I don't know about that.”

Son Prime: /sweats/

Dad's Favorite: I'm not even sure how I feel about this tbh

On the one hand: possibly evil robot

On the other: if she's joking this is some seriously cool coding

Son Prime: i have xactly 0 mixed feelings. murder bot bad

Spider-Son: Mr. Stark offered to change her code when we got back.

Son Prime: thk god

Spider-Son: I said no.

Son Prime: W H Y

Spider-Son: Because I love Karen just the way she is.

And she loves me.

Dad's Favorite: Okay, I've decided. That is a seriously cool ai

Son Prime: a srsly cool ai thts gonna kill us all

Spider-Son: Karen promises to spare you.

If you buy me a milkshake.

Son Prime: i cnt bleve my terminator trauma is being taken advantage of by a murder bot.

Spider-Son: :P

Dad's Favorite: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Spider-Son: Oh my God

You actually sent me money for a milkshake.

Nice.

I'm getting strawberry.

Son Prime: fuk u

Son Prime: @Dad's Favorite wut r u doin n june

Dad's Favorite: Probably nothing? Idk I might take an online class. Mostly just hanging out at home

Son Prime: so u dnt hav ny plans 4 vacay or nythng

Dad's Favorite: Not that I know of??

Son Prime: wuts the prob tht u could get ur mom to let you go smwher 4 the month

Dad's Favorite: Depends??

What's with all the leading questions?

Son Prime: bcuz i just told my mom tht mr tony nvitd the 3 of us 2 stay at the compound in june

Dad's Favorite: He did?? Why didn't he say anything??

Son Prime: bcuz he dnt ask. im the 1 plan plannin it

Dad's Favorite: Harley what the actual fuck. Have you even asked Tony?

Son Prime: no thts peters job

Dad's Favorite: Wait Peter's in on it too? How long have you two been planning this?

Son Prime: bout 20 mins. & pete dsnt no yet

Dad's Favorite: Again wtf. Why don't you do it?

Son Prime: hv u SEEN peters puppy dog eyes

speakin of

@The Live-in nswer ur phone

@The Live-in

@The Live-in

@The Live-in

Dad's Favorite: @The Live-in

@The Live-in

@The Live-in

Son Prime: @The Live-in

@The Live-in

@The Live-in

@The Live-in

The Live-in: Jesus Christ.

You two are awful.

I was in chemistry.

Don't you two ever go to class?

Son Prime: y bother

Dad's Favorite: I do but I know how to text in class

The Live-in: Like I said.

Awful.

Son Prime: wtevr. cn u do it or no?

The Live-in: What exactly am I even doing?

Dad's Favorite: Pretty sure you're convincing dad to let the 3 of us stay at the compound over June.

The Live-in: Oh.

Yeah.

That shouldn't be hard.

Like at all.

He's about to pick me up from school.

I'll ask in just a sec.

Son Prime: c? told u it wld b ez

The Live-in: HE SAID YES

Well, he said yes so long as we can get our moms/aunt to agree.

BUT STILL

Dad's Favorite: Holy shit!!

The Live-in: I KNOW!!

Son Prime: wer gonna get n2 so much bullshit.

The Live-in: B]

Dad's Favorite: B]

Son Prime: B]

Spider-Son: Guys, I may not come back from this mission alive.

Tell Ned I’ve always had a crush on him

Wait.

Shit.

That was just supposed to sound dumb and dramatic.

Not like something to actually worry about.

I’ll be fine.

Mr. Stark won’t let me go on the super dangerous missions.

Son Prime: i swr 2 fuk im gonna kill u parker

Dad’s Favorite: Yeah maybe that wasn’t exactly the best way to start that off.

Also if Ned doesn’t already know you’re madly in love with him then there’s no hope for either of you.

Spider-Son: #rude

One day I’ll get Ned to fall in love with me.

Then you’ll be sorry.

Dad’s Favorite: Oh honey

Son Prime: stop w/ petes crush. i wnna no y he thnks hes gonna die

Spider-Son: H I M

Dad’s Favorite: Christ what’s Rogers done now?

Spider-Son: He’s just doing That Thing again.

The one where he calls me kid and son.

I h a t e it, and IDK how to make him stop

Dad's Favorite: /Hamilton voice/ I'm not your son

Son Prime: congrats on not str8 up murdering him yet

Spider-Son: God he’s just so??

I don't know what, but I hate it.

I swear to God if he benches me again this mission I'm going to strangle him with his star-spangled tights.

Dad's Favorite: You gonna beat him upside the head until he sees…

Stars?

Spider-Son: I HATE YOU!!

I WAS TRYING TO BE MAD

AND NOW I'M GIGGLING!

NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUS WHEN I GIGGLE!!

Son Prime: nbdy takes u srsly evr

Spider-Son: Fuck off, Keener.

Son Prime: ;P

Dad's Favorite: Hey Peter quick question tho?

Spider-Son: Quick answer.

Dad's Favorite: If you hate Rogers why don't you just not talk to him? Why do you act all polite to his face? Just tell him to fuck off and leave you alone?

Spider-Son: I wish it was that easy.

I mean

It could be

But it isn't.

I have to be polite because we're on the same team.

We're supposed to work together.

I started off kinda rude to him, but Mr. Stark fussed at me.

Apparently what we're doing is bigger than petty squabbles.

Son Prime: uhhh ths is def mr thn a petty squabble tho? mr t wtf

Dad's Favorite: What are you even saying to me right now?? Is dad not mad?

Spider-Son: NoPE.

He just goes along with whatever He says.

Right now Mr. Stark is flying the jet.

Even though it has autopilot.

So I'm left alone back here with Him.

The only other person we brought was Ant-Man and he's asleep so it's just the two of us making conversation.

I hate it.

I'm dying.

Also

I think he doesn't like me looking at my phone so much.

DEAL WITH IT OLD MAN

Son Prime: u rly do snd lik ur bout 2 die. rip n pieces pete

Dad's Favorite: I'm SO glad Tony hasn't cleared me for missions yet.

Spider-Son: I wish you were.

I need someone to hang out with on these.

Speaking of which.

I'm gonna go ask dad if he'll try to teach me to fly again.

Last time…

Did Not Go Well

Also kinda wanna make Him sick again.

It was funny last time.

If he says no the at least I'll have some time alone.

Anyway I'm out.

Talk to you after we kicked ass!

Dad's Favorite: Take a better selfie this time. Lighting was garbage in the last one.

Son Prime: brng me a robos arm

If you didn't need Harley's nonsense translated, I'm impressed. If you did, here you go. He's speaking leet for anyone interested.

|-|4 ! |=!6(_)|23|) !7 0(_)7 ~ Ha I figured it out

|\|0 !7$ |_337 ~ No it's leet

|\/|4|{3 |\/|3 ~ Make me

|3!7(|-| ~ Bitch